The past month was a difficult one for me. There was loss and unexpected death in the community around me, and I had my second miscarriage. I had to process the physical and emotional ramifications of my loss. My energy was needed to heal, and because of that the housework, cooking, and general activities shifted to reflect it.
This was my second miscarriage, and it was far earlier in the pregnancy than my first pregnancy loss. Because of this, the physical process of miscarrying was more straightforward, but I still had to reflect on what a second miscarriage meant: another child I wanted and couldn’t have; another season of hope followed by a season of grief; and the possibility that my husband and I may never be able to have another child.
In the weeks following my miscarriage, chores piled up. Laundry lay unwashed, takeout meals were ordered far more than usual, and I let some food go to waste. I don’t feel guilty about the time I took to grieve and process my miscarriage, and I don’t feel guilty about the extra screen time my kids had, the extra trash we produced, or the state of our house when I needed rest more than I needed a tidy living space. I am a huge advocate of doing the best we can in the situation that we’re in.
Death is a part of life, and it can help us appreciate the time we have on earth. But it is hard in the moment, and the grief left in its wake never completely leaves us. Giving ourselves grace in times of struggle is important. I truly believe that grace helps us emotionally process loss as well as progress toward our goals later on when things feel more normal, or even create new goals if old ones don’t feel quite right anymore.
I hope you give yourself and others grace when it is needed.